BUSH LOSES TRUST FUND IN BASEBALL CARD RACKET

This Honus Wagner card used by the President on his bicycle had a value of more than one million dollars.

Investment in Collectibles Goes Awry When Prez Ruins Cards With Bike
A Possible Terror strike wasn’t the only potential disaster unknown to President Bush as he blithely rode his bicycle beside the Potomac a couple of weeks ago.
He may have also destroyed your retirement.
Embarrassed administration officials admitted Bush has spent several trillion dollars from the Social Security Trust Fund buying up baseball cards, Beanie Babies and other memorabilia, all in an attempt to save Social Security from bankruptcy.
And to make matters worse, he has ruined many of the cards by using them in the spokes of his bicycle.
“They make this really cool whirring sound when I ride,” noted President Bush at a recent stop on his ‘Save Social Security’ tour. The President was apparently unaware the cards depreciate in value based on condition.
“I cut the tags off the Beanie Babies so’s we could have a pretend Cabinet meeting just like the ones Uncle Dick always has,” noted the chagrined Commander in Chief.
“How was I supposed to know the stupid things aren’t worth anything that way? I was just tryin’ to help America retire better.”
Reportedly, Bush also used a baseball bat autographed by the late Babe Ruth in a tee ball game on the White House lawn.
As a Congressional committee examined baseball cards with moustaches drawn on them, damaged Beanie Babies and a pile of destroyed sports memorabilia, America sought to make sense of the carnage and its lost retirement.
Officials concede Bush’s recent push for private accounts has been an attempt to cover his tracks on the misspent funds.
“The President had America’s best interests at heart,” said spokesman Scott McClellan.
“He may have inadvertently caused some of the cards and other items to experience a fluctuation in value by utilizing them in fashions for which they were originally intended.
“We ask all Americans to be understanding and want them to know that no one above the age of 55 will be affected by this in any way.”