DEMS SUBPOENA BOLTON MOUSTACHE

A shorn and chastened John Bolton at the Senate today.

 
Parliamentary Move Places Nomination in Peril
In a last minute bid to stave off the nomination of John Bolton to head the U.S. delegation to the United Nations, desperate Democrats have subpoenaed the controversial nominee’s facial hair! Senate Democrats utilized a little known Senate rule on facial hair to pull off the depilatory coup, and it may cost Bolton his seat at the UN.
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid invoked what many have called the NAIR option earlier today, after a series of parliamentary feints failed to head off a vote on Bolton.
In an historic move, Democrats forced the executive branch to release classified material on Bolton it had previously refused to forward; the material includes files related to Bolton’s work with the Syrian government.
Surprisingly to many, it also included a request for independent examination of Bolton’s curiously white moustache.
“His hair, it so thick and rich and auburn,” said Reid, “and yet his moustache is whiter than the Republican National Committee. Surely, there is a secret here and the American people have a right to know the truth.”
California Democrat Barbara Boxer was hoping the president would withdraw Bolton's nomination. 'I would hope the president will think about what happened here,' Boxer told reporters. 'I hope cooler heads will prevail and we see a new nominee.'
Bolton, shorn of his prized mane, adopted a somewhat reserved tone, not in keeping with the history of the rancorous nominee.
“I just hope they get it back to me in one piece,” he said.
“I’d sure hate to lose the deposit.”

a closeup of the moustache Democrats believe could destroy a nation.